Eiden accidentally bumps into Rien on their commute into the city.
PATREON/GUMROAD
I basically wanted to explore them as characters, while becoming rivals.
Rien sees Eiden as happy and flamboyantly queer with Arslan and finds it bothers him, because Rien is not that way with Lain and somehow thinks he should be, but that’s just not him.
Rien sees Eiden being loved by Arslan in a way that challenges his assumptions about masculinity. He begins to question whether he has been unconsciously measuring himself against an imaginary standard of what a man should be.
Then he looks at Lain. And initially, Rien assumes Lain must have the same preferences, expectations, or judgments as Eiden. After all, if Eiden prefers certain qualities in a partner, surely someone else with a similar presentation must feel the same way?
Lain doesn’t want Rien to become someone else. It surprises Rien in an unexpected way. Lain might be softer in appearance but surprisingly direct, stubborn, and self-assured. He doesn’t need Rien to validate his masculinity or femininity because he has his own understanding of who he is.
You cannot predict what someone wants from you based on how they look, how they dress, or how they compare to someone else.
Meanwhile Arslan loves that version of Eiden, and actively seeks to make Eiden comfortable enough so that be can express himself that way. Arslan fixes Eiden’s collar, compliments his outfit, and makes some ridiculously affectionate comment about how good he looks.
Rien watches Eiden accept this affection with a confidence he wishes he had.
Later, when Arslan asks Rien what he thinks of Eiden, Rien answers.
“He’s… different from what I expected.”
He means: I wish I could be that comfortable with myself.
Eiden overhears it and thinks: Of course. He thinks I’m weird.
Rien is more masculine and has his own awkward way of being naturally attractive. But he doesn’t necessarily recognize it himself. Eiden can be feminine, fashionable, emotionally expressive, and comfortable with things Rien might have taught himself to suppress. And Arslan doesn’t merely tolerate those qualities. He adores them.
Rien starts wondering whether the things he has spent years suppressing are actually the things people find lovable.
However, there’s the other side if the coin.
Eiden sees Rien as someone who possesses a kind of masculinity he doesn’t have to work for. Rien can be quiet, physically confident, and seemingly comfortable in his own skin. Eiden assumes Rien represents the kind of man Arslan should be attracted to, even if Arslan has never suggested such a thing.
And because Eiden already has his own complicated relationship with how he presents himself, he mistakes Rien’s reserved demeanor for disapproval. He thinks Rien finds him frivolous, overly feminine, or immature.
But if they both had a single honest conversation they would both find out, they secretly admire each other in their own unique way.
Rien: “You don’t have to pretend you don’t like those things around me.”
Eiden: “What things?”
Rien: “Your clothes. The jewelry. Whatever. I don’t care.”
Eiden: “I wasn’t pretending anything. I thought you hated all that.”
Rien: “Why would I hate it?”
Eiden: “Because you look at me like I’m an idiot.”
Rien: “I look at everyone like that.”
Eiden: “…What?”
Rien: “That’s just my face.”
And then Eiden realizes that he has spent weeks interpreting Rien’s resting expression as a personal attack.
Meanwhile, Rien has been overthinking every interaction because Eiden is everything he thinks he isn’t.
Rien eventually admits to someone that Eiden makes him question himself because Arslan seems so happy with him. He doesn’t hate Eiden; he just doesn’t understand how someone can be so comfortable being different from the expected norm.
Separately, Eiden confesses that Rien intimidates him because Rien seems like someone who knows exactly who he is.
Turns out neither of them knows what they’re actually doing and are just following the vibes. In the end the rivalry doesn’t dissolve over night, but instead they both stop performing and eventually become someone who can call out each others out on their insecurities.
What if you didn’t have to become someone else to be loved?
